Eating.. It's something we all have to do to live. But man, it's something I hate to love.
I love to eat. I honestly do. There's something to be said about a nice greasy cheeseburger or a platter of spicy crawfish. Food is something that brings people together.
However, when your overweight, it's not something fun anymore. We eat healthy and rarely go out, but when we do go out, I always feel like I'm being watched and criticized. Like if I do eat a burger (which maybe happens once a month if that), people are laughing and thinking I should be eating a salad.
What they don't know is I suffer from an eating disorder.. I'm almost 42 years old now, and from the time I was 17 years old, I bearly ate 500 calories a day. Because of that, my metabolism has shut down. My doctors told me to gradually bring my caloric intake up to 1200, I'm lucky even today if I get over 800 calories.
It's 2pm right now, the kids have had lunch and I've only had 2 cups of coffee, no creamer.. And I still don't want to eat..
I wish people didn't worry so much about what other people are eating and would stop assuming that the burger I might eat once a month contributed to how I look when there's so many other factors at play.
STOP
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Oy - as I pondered the prompt today I thought about how what is intended for good (food) often gets upside down in our brains. I also feel your pain about your insides being judged by your outsides. I think that burger looks delicious and I pray that you find the energy and will to enjoy the meal. I pray for healing of your body - xoxox DM
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